Abused by her brother and father, Azra* is now on the road towards healing

Because for far too many Shepparton women, it’s more than 16 days – it’s every minute of every day.

On average, one woman a week is murdered by her current or former partner.

One in three Australian women have experienced physical violence since the age of 15, while a chilling one in five have experienced sexual violence from the same age.

And with the full effects of COVID-19 yet to be seen, experts caution numbers are only set to rise.

But while violence against women is a growing issue, it is also preventable through greater awareness.

In this campaign, we will be sharing the stories of the brave women who have fought their way to freedom, as well as the local services fighting by their side, in an effort to spark real change.

Azra* asked not to cook breakfast that morning.

It was the first time she had refused in her 19 years.

Waking with her period, the pain too excruciating to bear, she had requested her brothers cook instead.

What came next is still painful to recall. But, sadly, it wasn't unexpected.

Her older brother started screaming and her father flew into a rage, dragging her across the floor and beating her until her clothes were torn, skin bruised.

But the humiliation wasn’t complete.

Her phone was then confiscated and Azra was locked in the house – she couldn’t drive anywhere, leave alone, contact anyone.

It was a final act of power, an ultimate stripping of any freedoms she had left.

Growing up in a culturally conservative household, Azra always knew her place – to cook and clean and submit to the demands of the men in her family.

It was something her older brother had latched on to and enforced daily, relishing the control he had been granted over his little sister.

Meanwhile, her mother stood by, silenced by a system in which women were second-class citizens.

But that morning Azra’s spark of defiance, which her family had endeavoured to stamp out, caught flame.

And she knew she needed to escape.

“It was then I realised, ‘this is messed up’,” Azra recalled.

“Women and girls should not be treated like his, like a tool, like something you can use.”

Born and raised in Shepparton, Azra was just eight years old when her parents divorced.

That was also the year she began to grasp the inferior position women and girls held in her family.

Thrust into a new role as unofficial mother to her two brothers, Azra was cooking and cleaning whenever she wasn’t attending school.

Often she would be up past midnight, trying to cram in chores and homework before she went to bed.

As the years rolled by, her older brother became increasingly controlling of her and her mother.

He began dictating how finances were spent and who entered and exited the house, as well as Azra’s every movement.

“He kept saying, ‘Dad’s not home, I need to do this, I’m just trying to help my family’,” she said.

“But it wasn’t for us. Because we’d get nothing in return.

“He was given the power, the trust, everything.

“He kept saying, ‘I’m the man, I do what I want’.

“And he’d tell me, ‘because you’re a girl you have to do this, because you’re a girl you have to listen, because you’re a girl you need to cook and clean’.”

This control only intensified as Azra’s father began to battle mental illness, including schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.

“It got to the point my dad was partnering with my brother in controlling us,” Azra said.

“My brother had everyone in the palm of his hand.”

Deep down, Azra always believed her family’s treatment of women and girls was wrong.

But it wasn’t until that fateful day in August this year that she decided to break free.

“That’s when I asked not to make breakfast and got physically abused by my dad,” she said.

“Then my brother came and took all my devices off me – mind you, I'm 19.”

With her technology confiscated and every movement watched, it would be two weeks before Azra finally made contact with the outside world.

By this point, a family violence worker who knew Azra had started to suspect something was up.

“They managed to smuggle a phone to me. From there, we made a safe plan for me to escape,” Azra said.

It was her older brother’s birthday the day police knocked on their door.

“They just said, ‘we’re here to ask about an incident that happened down the street’,” Azra recalled.

“And then my brother just gave himself up. He took my phone – which he’d confiscated – out of his pocket and said, ‘cultural reasons’.

“But there’s no such thing as cultural reasons for confiscating a phone.”

The police escorted Azra from the house, and she was taken to a safe place for 10 days.

Her intentions were always to return home, as long as her brother promised to leave her alone.

But it soon became clear he wouldn’t relinquish his power that easily.

“He came up with terms and conditions. He said if I came back, he wanted access to all my social media accounts,” Azra said.

“I applied for an intervention order against him – just one that said he had to leave me alone, not touch my belongings and not get anyone to follow me.

“But he went against it.

“That was really shocking, because it wasn’t a lot to ask. It showed he still wanted total control.”

Azra returned home for a nightmarish two days, before fleeing again.

Staying in a refuge for 12 days, she then made her way to the Education First Youth Foyer, which provides accommodation for young Shepparton people unable to live at home.

Since then, Azra has been gradually rebuilding her life.

But her newfound freedom hasn’t come without costs – her relationship with her family has been left in ruins.

Azra called her father after her escape, but he said he didn't want to stay in contact.

And he claimed if he ever saw her again, he would kill her.

“When I go around where my father hangs out, I do feel fear,” Azra said.

“And while I know my brother can’t do anything, he would use my father to hurt me. Because then he can just blame it on my dad.”

She has also contacted her mother since leaving.

“I worry for my mum. I tried saving her but because it's her kids, she can't do anything. She has no say – her voice isn’t heard, because she’s female too,” Azra said.

“And the strange thing is, my mum is second-generation Australian. She grew up here, her family grew up here. But they all have the same mentality towards women.”

While Azra believes some of her family members’ attitudes towards women may have stemmed from their culture, she staunchly denies these views are inherent in the Muslim faith she follows.

“When you actually look into it, controlling women, treating women like slaves – none of that exists in my religion,” she said.

“But sadly, people will twist words in the faith around so men have the power.”

It has taken months for Azra to shrug off the rules and regulations placed on her by her family since day one.

She still questions herself when she heads out with friends, drives late at night or socialises past her family’s stringent 8 pm curfew.

She still feels a sense of awe when someone cooks a meal for her – a luxury she never experienced at home.

And for the first time in her life, she is beginning to make plans for the future.

Azra recently bought her first car. Soon she hopes to buy her first new phone.

And next year, the 19-year-old plans to start studying nursing and midwifery.

But while healing has begun, Azra knows she still has a long road ahead.

“It will be a while before I can trust again,” she said.

“Because I’ve already experienced bad stuff with men in my immediate family, I don’t want to experience that in a relationship.

“But I hope further healing will happen. Because I would like to build my own family one day.”

*Not her real name

If you, or someone you know, is experiencing domestic or family violence, services are available, including:

1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) - a confidential information, counselling and support service;

NSW Domestic Violence Line (1800 656 463) - a statewide telephone crisis counselling and referral service for women;

Men’s Referral Service (1300 766 491) provides telephone counselling, information and referrals for men; and

Link2Home (1800 152 152) can help refer women experiencing domestic violence to crisis accommodation.

If you are in danger or in an emergency, always phone 000.