A lifetime of whys that will never be answered.
‘‘It’s been extremely difficult,’’ she said.
‘‘He changed my life without consulting me.’’
Donna will never understand why the former police officer chose suicide over seeking help, or even her and their family.
‘‘He had retired from a 24-year career with Victoria Police about five years before his death, but showed no symptoms of depression or PTSD to any family members, friends or doctors,’’ she said.
‘‘But I can’t say whether that was it or not. He didn’t leave a note or anything.
‘‘Unfortunately I’ll never know.’’
Donna and their four children are among those left behind, which is the catchcry of an epic walk around Victoria the 54-year-old is doing to raise awareness and funds for mental health.
And tomorrow, Donna will take that message to Echuca.
It has been just over five weeks since she set off on the 3000km walk from Geelong, near her hometown of Elaine.
March 18; a day she will never forget because it marked the one-year anniversary of Tony’s death.
The horror and grief of finding her husband on their property that day will never leave Donna.
In fact, it almost killed her.
‘‘I tried to overdose because I didn’t think I’d be able to survive it,’’ she said.
‘‘But I woke up to my children’s faces and I knew I had to do something. So I came up with the idea of this walk.’’
Having passed the half-way mark on Thursday, Donna said she was feeling confident.
‘‘It’s a bit overwhelming looking at the big picture, so I just take one day at a time,’’ she said.
‘‘I feel better than when I started. I did this to try to save one life I think it’s saved me and will likely save a few more along the way.’’
Walking between 35-50km a day, Donna has been joined by police officers from local stations along the way.
‘‘I’ve had a huge amount of support from Victoria Police. Some officers are just happy to chat and others are grateful that I am bringing this issue to light,’’ she said.
‘‘I haven’t heard from anyone at Echuca police yet, but I hope they will be able to walk with me for some of the way.’’
The walk, which will end in Geelong next month, aims to raise $1million to support police officers and their families.
‘‘I want to help our girls and boys in blue because the police force has an extremely high rate of suicide,’’ she said.
‘‘These funds are designed to provide the Victoria Police psychology unit with additional staff and resources to help those people who are dealing with the suicide of a loved one.
‘‘They have been instrumental in keeping me alive over the past five months.’’
With about $80,000 raised so far, Donna said she hoped to reach her goal over the next month.
‘‘This is an urgent situation that needs attention. While people are dying by suicide, the ramifications are ever-lasting and often lead to the ripple effect,’’ she said.
‘‘Suicide does not solve problems. It just passes them onto others. The people who are left behind are the ones who suffer.
‘‘I want to do this to save lives and help those who have been left behind. It will also help me to overcome the trauma by making something good out of something so tragic.’’
You can donate to https://au.gofundme.com/jh62tv-those-left-behind
■If you need support, contact Lifeline on 131114, Suicide Callback Service on 1300659467 or visit beyondblue.org.au
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