Mama Mayhem

Yes, Virginia, I once had real eyebrows like yours

By Ivy Jensen

I READ somewhere ‘trends come and go, but the ’90s are forever’.

As such, we’re seeing trends from this revolutionary decade of fashion come back into style.

Leather jackets, round glasses, denim skirts, crop tops and combat boots.

Unfortunately, skinny eyebrows are not one of them.

It was a trend that saw me, and, I suspect, millions of other women around the world, committed to exhausting and excruciating extraction to convert our eyebrows from something vaguely human to something akin to a lonely train track.

Many brows never recovered. Including mine.

It’s my second biggest beauty regret.

What’s number one you ask? Getting my hair permed. Another ’90s mistake that I have paid for ever since.

Especially when I asked for a blow wave and I came out looking like Nicole Kidman in Bangkok Hilton.

My hair has never been the same.

And neither have my eyebrows.

Tweezers were my best friend in those dark ages as I overplucked my beautiful bushy brows in a futile attempt to look like Kate Moss or Drew Barrymore.

It was actually German actress Marlene Dietrich who made painter-thin eyebrows all the rage back in the Roaring ’20s.

The style soon changed to a more full brow, but the 1960s saw the return of the ultra-thin brow, thanks to women such as those European sirens Brigitte Bardot and Sophia Loren, who famously shaved her eyebrows off before painting them back on.

The trend inspired a generation of women along the way, including my mother, who basically tweezed her brows to death.

Ever since poor old mum has had to draw on her brows.

The 1980s was, as you will recall from those ghastly shoulder pads and severe suits, all about big and bold, power dressing, and the same went for brows — who can forget the iconic brows of Cindy Crawford and Brooke Shields?

Then things changed drastically the following decade (again) and into the noughties — thanks to the likes of over-plucked sex kitten Pamela Anderson, and eyebrow pencilled Drew Barrymore.

Now, thick and bushy is back in vogue as women strive to achieve that ‘I have a bigger caterpillar on my forehead than you’ look.

So while half the population is competing for the Frida Kahlo lookalike award (she had a better moustache than my mother has eyebrows), my sparse eyebrows will wait patiently for the day they come back into fashion.

Which, according to history, should be in another five to 10 years.