Mama Mayhem

If you have to be hot to be cool I am ready to become a square

By Riverine Herald

TWENTY-three degrees is on average the perfect temperature for a human to function properly.

In fact, the Australian Standard AS 1837 – 1976 Code of practice for application of ergonomics to factory and office work recommends a temperature range of 21-24 degrees for both offices and factories in summer.

Unfortunately, this does not ring true in my workplace.

Making my life almost unbearable as I perspire through the stifling heat, while trying to escape the glaring sun viciously attacking me from every position for at least two hours.

How could this happen in this day and age of temperature control, you may ask?

Because I am surrounded by a group of cold-blooded wimps who refuse to have the work air-conditioner on, even on a 40-degree day.

You remember that intense heatwave we experienced the other week (when we got to 46 degrees!)? Well, my loving colleagues would surreptitiously turn off the cooler whenever I wasn’t looking.

Only to have me drowning in my own sweat an hour later, wondering if I’d left a change of clothes in my car.

And it’s not like I’m setting the temperature to a ridiculous 15-degrees like my warm-blooded boss (the type of person who would install air-conditioning in an igloo).

No, I set it to a very civilised 24C — even warmer than the ideal temperature according to my well-founded research.

But my colleagues all complain that ‘‘it’s too cold!’’ and ‘‘I’m getting frostbite!’’ while warming themselves up with jumpers and jackets and, in Sophie Baldwin’s case, a doona.

So, I go from comfortable, to hot, back to almost cozy and straight back to the depths of hell again in the space of a few hours.

I feel like I have early onset menopause, and not just because of the hot sweats.

Being hot turns me into a fire-breathing monster. And why wouldn’t it?

It’s impossible to focus when all you can feel is your make-up slowly sliding off your face and your newly straightened hair turning into frizz, all the while wondering ‘is one can of deodorant enough to last me the day?’.

So, to all those women actually going through menopause right now, I feel for you.

I hope you all have lots of money so you can buy yourselves a swimming pool, a cool room and a supportive partner (well, hopefully he/she comes free).

Hopefully my workmates will be a little more supportive over the next few months.

At least if they’re cold, they can put on more clothes.

Because I’m sure they don’t want me wearing less.