Journalist, writer, Beatle fan, guitar-playing pest, dog hugger and lawn killer.
John Lewis was born in Llanelli,* South Wales and grew up on a diet of boiled leeks and coal.
His earliest memory is his seventh birthday when he received a Beatle wig, which his dog ate. He is now terrified of Spaniels with black beards.
Earlier memories are irretrievable because they are in Welsh.
After 10 years working on the street of shame - Fleet St - as a motorycle courier and picture caption writer for the Press Association, John arrived in Australia in February 1992 with his wife Fiona and baby son Luke.
Six months later John joined the Shepparton News. He spent eight years as a night sub-editor before tumbling into the squalid trench of weekly columnist, feature writer, general news reporter, chief of staff and now general news and feature writer.
Today he lives with Fiona, daughter Sian and canine royalty Prince Finski in the worst house on the best leafy Shepparton street where he often rolls around on the carpet with his three grandchildren to get out of mowing the lawn.
*A mouthful of boiled toffee will help non-Celts to pronounce this.