Ms Lam took an extended career break in 2021 to care for her two young children, including her son Harry, who was diagnosed with level two autism during Melbourne’s strict pandemic lockdown in 2020.
“Harry was two years old at the time,” Ms Lam said.
“We couldn’t get him in front of people who could help him like doctors, psychologists or occupational therapists, so that was one part of the problem.”
The family faced additional challenges during lockdown, including travelling beyond the 5km restriction to find the only food Harry would eat, which at the time was Steggles frozen chicken tenders.
“We would carry around a copy of his diagnosis, and we would drive out to various locations trying to find the one food that he ate,” Ms Lam said.
Ms Lam's memoir The Unlocking: an autism story, shortlisted for the 2024 Hawkeye Manuscript prize, details their journey.
“At the heart of this story is a memoir about us trying to survive the pandemic and also trying to understand and help this little boy and develop a connection with him,” she said.
“Everything upset him, like trying to change his nappy, trying to wash his hair once every two weeks, trying to get him dressed once a day, everything was just this battle and he was constantly on the verge of either having a meltdown or he was actively in a meltdown.”
Harry was later identified as having pathological demand avoidance, a profile of autism not yet clinically recognised in Australia.
“One of the things about the type of autism Harry has is that apparently it is not responsive to other techniques and strategies that you use for autism more generally,” Ms Lam said.
The family found success through creative approaches, particularly using Harry’s special interest in the Incredible Hulk.
“He spent months on end in character as the Incredible Hulk and we would talk to him like he is the Incredible Hulk, and he would growl back at us,” she said.
“And by creating this fantasy world that wasn’t real, he was finally able to agree to things like a nappy change, wash his hair once a week or change his clothes once a day.”
Now seven years old, Harry has made significant progress.
“He is off at school, and he has a great time; he doesn't need to be the Incredible Hulk anymore, but it was this important stepping stone for how we got him to get to this point,” Ms Lam said.
“He is a tricky kid, he still makes life quite complicated for both himself and us, but for the stuff that we have put a lot of work into, in the therapy he has learned the skills he needed.
“He has been able to do those things like go to school, interact in a way that is appropriate with his friends and form genuine friendships.”
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